Honor Our Veterans

As we walked through the front doors of Walter Reed Army Medical Center the first thing I noticed in a waiting room area was a massive portrait of a General.  His eyes seemed to look through me.  Just below the towering presence of this portrait I saw a stunningly handsome young man who looked about twenty years old in a wheelchair.  He was missing one leg and one arm.  His remaining arm was in a cast.  His eyes met mine as we passed by.  His head looked like it had just been shaved and it seemed to glisten under the dull florescent hospital lighting.  My heart ached as we passed by him.  I looked back and noticed an older woman sitting next to him in a chair she had her head in her hands and seemed to be asleep.

When the elevator door opened to our friend Dawn Halfaker's floor the smell of cleaning products and the shine of the off white floors filled my nose and eyes.  Nathan held  flowers adorned with red and yellow ribbons and I held a gift bag filled with scented lotions  as we headed for Dawn's room.  In front of her door Nathan took a deep breath before knocking.  I saw above her name the glorious portrait of her in full dress uniform - it was her West Point graduation portrait.

Dawn greeted us with a welcoming smile.  Nathan and I both hugged her before we presented her with the gifts.  She was wearing sweatpants, an Army t-shirt, and sneakers.  Her hair was bright fire red, her skin a light creamy color adorened with light freckles, and her eyes seemed to be a mix of green and brown.  She was tall and stunningly beautiful.  In spite of her good spirits, I could hear the heavy weight of inner pain as she spoke. 

After we sat down in her room Dawn explained the uncomfortable process she was going through in finding a prosthetic arm. Her injury was still sore and the prosthetics she had been looking into were not functional in any way.   They were for appearances sake only.  She said an arm would be made for her that matched her skin tone and even her freckles. After some time Nathan and Dawn talked about their Battalion's news and caught up.  I looked at photos she had posted on the wall next to her bed.  They were mostly images of Iraq - of  Dawn posing for photos with smiling Iraqi children and a few photos of her standing on sandy hot landscapes with a rifle in hand.  I felt honored to be in her presence and wanted to offer her my friendship and support.

"What is the most frustrating thing you have been dealing with since the loss of your arm?"  I finally asked her.

Her radiant eyes seemed relived by this question.   "The worse thing is trying to pull my hair back into a ponytail," Dawn said.

"Can I help you with your hair today?"  I asked.

"Yes I would really appreciate that," Dawn said.

So I combed carefully through her long red hair and gently pulled it back into a ponytail for her.

"My Mom has been helping me so much.  I'm thankful she is staying here for a while," Dawn said.

As I finished with her ponytail she thanked me and I hugged her again.  I fought off tears that had been welling up in my eyes as my gaze had met Nathan's several times while I brushed her hair.  Dawn turned to me and smiled after she stood up.

"I've been worried that these shrapnel burns on my face look bad," she said.  Truly surprised, I noticed some redness on her light skin where she pointed.

"Honestly I did not notice anything," Nathan said

"I didn't either.  It actually looks like blush," I said.

"Good I won't worry about it then.  People will be staring at my missing arm more anyway when we go out today," she said.

The morning hours passed quickly.  Dawn noticed the time was approaching noon.

"My Mom, Dad, Grandpa and I have lunch reservations today so we will have to go soon. But you can come back later tonight or tomorrow if you want" she said.  After we were introduced to her family Nathan and I both hugged Dawn again.

As we were heading out her door I turned to hug her one more time.

"I just want to say Dawn that I admire you and am honored to know you and...  Thank you for your service," I said.

"Thank you," Dawn replied.  As we headed back down the hallway to the elevator door I noticed several soldiers in wheelchairs along the way.  Some were missing
arms, others missing legs and one had his entire face wrapped like an ancient Egyptian mummy. My heart sank.  Most of these young men were not even twenty years old.

When we returned to the entrance doors of the hospital those serious eyes of the General in that portrait met my stare once again and beneath him to my surprise remained the handsome young man in his wheelchair I noticed earlier.  Nathan headed out the front door to get our car.  I asked to meet him outside in a few minutes so he went on ahead of me assuming I forgot something in Dawn's room.  I took a moment to walk up under the General's portrait pretending to be interested in reading about who he was.

"I can't take it anymore," I heard the older woman say to the young soldier behind me.

 "Then fucking leave, Mom!"  The young man's voice sounded like an explosion.

My stomach filled up with butterflies as I turned around and saw the anger in this young soldier's beautiful dark eyes. The older woman stood swaying back and forth beside her son with tears streaming down her face.

"Whether you like to hear it or not Mom no woman is going to want me this way.  I'm a fucking freak!" He screamed as his voice cracked.

Those tears I had been fighting all morning were now streaming down my face.  Without thinking I knelt down in front of the young soldier and looked into his hardened eyes. His mother smiled at me as she wiped tears away from her eyes.

"Look at me I'm fucking useless now," he said staring back at me.

"Stop saying things like this you're killing me," his mother said softly next to us.

"No one wants to kiss or touch a freak," the young man said calmly and quietly as

he looked down at the floor.

His handsome young face bore a straight expression, no tears fell from his eyes and what I saw there in him was raw pain and unyielding fear. "I don't know what I can do to help but I had to stop when I heard what you were saying," I said.

"Most people just walk by they don't give a fuck so what the hell do you want?" he asked as he looked up at me.  My tears fell down onto my crimson colored shirt as I took in his stinging words.  My mind was blank.  I didn't know what to say.  Suddenly I felt an intense wave of courage run through my body like a hot electric charge.  I leaned into this young man and kissed him on his face.  I kissed him on each cheek then stood up and stepped back. His eyes lit up as I received his big, bright smile in return.

"God bless you young woman," his mother said. "... Thank you Ma'am ..." the young soldier said shyly.  We looked at each other in silence for a moment.  His beautiful dark eyes and handsome oval shaped face mesmerized me.  "If I were not married I would be asking you for a date," I said.  He blushed.

I leaned into him again and started covering his face, nose, and ears with kisses.  He started to laugh.  The young soldier's mother also started laughing.  "I thought no woman would want to kiss you?" I asked playfully as I kept kissing and kissing him all over his face.  Covered in my red lipstick the young soldier sat in his wheelchair smiling as tears filled his eyes.

This article was originally published in   Veterans Magazine, May 2007, and kindly forwarded to us for inclusion on this site by Nicole. http://www.nicolewritings.com/html/publications.html

Copyright  Nicole Drumheller Gargus 2007.  All rights reserved.  You may not copy this article, in whole or in part, or photos, without permisssion.   Please contact HOV for further details.